Fingers moved, the right ring finger, then the one next it, am I AWAKENING and how long have been gone, off drearily drifting to a space of dream that finds comfort, comfort and ease one so desperately seeks, pictures like movies of memories replay in a cyclic adventure of what has happened, such fear and anxiety play over and over, oh I hope no one will ever see what my mind sees.
Some great imprinted memories in my mind, so precious to me, still others, feeding off what energy I have left. It’s almost as if somehow I have somehow found myself in the midst very dark place, eating, sleeping, intoxicating to find some comfort, while criticizing what little self confidence I have left. Although I didn’t realize it, you don’t realize it until the dark shadows fall onto one’s self and there is no light at all. My very body, weak from fear, fear of who I am and facing what is dark with me and fear of the learning the equally brilliant light that glows within me… Oneness, a light full of colors, a seed of Love, unending complex simple yet untold colors, a mixing of white phosphorous Light and colors virgin to my human eyes. It is an understanding “THIS” is the Beginning and the End. The language is simple, yet to explain with my human mouth, I cannot, the words or expression simply don’t yet exist in this world and not spoken with my mouth, a communication of vibrations to each soul.
I sometimes think life is about building walls so very high that not even a subtle glow can fall through the musty smell of bricks enclosing me, then tearing them down with burying the fear with the shovel laid before me. Sometimes it is safer to go behind the wall; we all do it in our daily lives without even being aware we are doing this. The trouble is sometimes one stays to long behind the wall too long, attempting to harvest feelings of security, comfort, hiding the band the emotion we are not ready acknowledge and wish will go away, this is “The Inner Side”, this is the most intimate place kept within, it is our very being…it is where the soul lives. This is where the battle begins and self esteem Flowers!

Mystery Santa at HyVee in Marion, IA


Yesterday the snow flurries brought more than a lil shivering and bundling up in jakets, hats and burr with every swing of the door at HyVee grocery store in our cozy little town.

I was so busy throwing groceries in my cart as the moon perched low in the sky and darkness opened the door to a slight but cold breeze that quickly chatters your teeth and sends a sharp chill right down your spine. This time of year seems to put a bit of a spike in our motivation to get things done.

As, I was shopping I noticed happiness around the corner near Starbucks, yummy my favorite place for a quick wake up, children…they were intrigued and giggling, they had the most inquisitive look on their faces, one peaking over his glasses to ask very specific questions back and forth with his parents and Santa and another bashful girl, clinging close to her fathers side. Still the magic of reindeer and a little menu preparation from the children asked sat with Santa and expelled the very wonders of what each of them wished to be under the Christmas tree. They finished sitting and talking with Santa about what gifts they would find, yet the children’s job was not done yet they arranged the perfect dish for a team of reindeer and Santa on Christmas Eve. I watched from a distance, admiring their sweet faces as they conversed with Santa and their parents about the Magic of Christmas. I could feel my heart pumping warmth to my very soul, something very special w as happing here in HyVee.

It was not until I went to check out at the register that I was made aware that where Santa came from was a Mystery. Apparently Santa had forgot to scheduled his visit to HyVee, making the Miracle of Christmas more of a blessing to not only the children but to all who had the opportunity to witness the True Meaning of Christmas…





Continuing The Climb To Save My Life

11800176_937670689623157_3723908993361634760_nI have been to so many places in my life so far… some places I have gone to, I don’t wish to return, yet there are other places I visit often…I visit them in my mind, sometimes I am physically present but my mind is off else where. I SEE people, places and things around me and I wonder Why??? Why such chaos and desperation, suffering, school shootings, I could go on and on and how easy is it to place blame on someone else…See the blame or fear or whatever you wish to call it is there, it’s been created now. So now What shall I do with it…???? It is quite a boggling question for me, So I ASK THE WORLD AS A WHOLE, what should we do with it.  I don’t know much about somethings but I do know how to LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY … I have noticed in my life and my walk with lilies, that something special happens when a person is forgotten, deprived of survival tools to live and continues to love unconditionally and YES I mean love everyone, even the ones in prison or who are wicked in there ways Everyone deserves to be loved by something or someone. I believe we all need to be seen, heard and believed…that simple. I wish everyone a REBIRTH into getting to know themselves and having enough courage to learn and find our TRUE PURPOSE IN LIFE…I wish all the best to everyone…keep climbing, if it was easy everyone who do it, so yes you are special!