I am just a 47 year old blogger who is doing the she can to get through each day taking at a time, I am by no means perfect in any way, it progress not perfection. However I get to wake up each morning, stretch sit on the side of my bed and decide which pair of shoes I put on? I can choose my wear worn out shoes, with stain of memories of the dark parts in my life that linger in my past, they call to me ever day as my disease thrives and tries to trick me to put those old same old comfortable shoes back to walk circles and circles. it is cunning, baffling and powerful! Those shoes still sit by my bed but I don’t need to put them on, they are my past. at times I carefully take out these shoes to help other people, as a tool to relate because I have been given a gift of understanding, walking through treacherous pain of addiction, dragging chains on my ankles, a slave to my disease is always hungry for more but never gets full. That life style, that journey is a gift given to me, I can relate and be on a level because “I have been there, done that,” “I own my Truth.” I can relate to those struggles.
I have desperately tried, or my addiction has tried, lying to me, “I can have “this” and walk a peaceful life, lying to me over and over again. This cyclic chain of events through valley so deep in my life that all that all that remains is Darkness. In that moment weather or not I was aware of these things happening that kept popping out of my head keeping me in my sickness. my mind was a merry-go-round of past and future stuff that I couldn’t control. It would keep me for days at time if I allowed it. The broken are warriors, they fight a battle every day just to have a glimpse of Hope, something that is lost when all is gone.
I love how people with a little bit of hope pull others once like them out of the fire. Victory reins down on us and it is then we get to live and feel alive. Its a rebirth of learning how to be a person, it’s like a child and one needs to teach how to walk and talk again. The light turned “ON” for me, I realized that I had all the people to surround me and love and cherish me, it didn’t need to be family. So many people have helped me along my journey and I am so grateful and humbled by the experience. I find myself at times crying tears of gratitude because I know what humility has thought me.
It’s by never-ending faith to walk my path to my purpose that my heart fills over gratitude that I got to ride the craziest, colorful, and dangerous life to get to the clearing where now I have peace and serenity in my heart from The One who healed me. My journey is not a knife in my side, it is the Strength and endurance with my God that I can say these words.